Archive for May 13th, 2005

Guest column from a war hero

May 13, 2005

Submitter’s Note: After returning from the “Land of Far Away,” I must lose my wife to a 3-month work opportunity in Washington D.C. (Your sympathy is appreciated as I’ll be eating cereal three times a day for the next three months.) To get her settled, we must begin a trek from Tucson to the epicenter of bureaucracy today. Since this precludes me from posting, I’ve invited a fellow Airman to take my post this week. (Pls keep the cheers to a dull roar.) Thanks and enjoy.

Okay, DeJon finally got me into this blog kicking and screaming (or at least with reservations). Although I somewhat object to the title, I assume DeJon had his reasons for it and so I will leave it as is.

As a guest columnist, you might want some information on who I am. My name is Duane McCrory and I am a chaplain in the USAF who has recently returned from a deployment to Iraq, just one week ago today, hence the “war hero” in the title. My responsibilities at my deployed location involved being the chaplain for the busiest hospital in Iraq and what is called the Contingency Aeromedical Staging Facility, a place where anyone leaving the country comes from other theatre hospitals to be aeromedically evacuated to a facility with a higher echelon of medical care. I am stationed at Davis-Monthan AFB in Tucson, AZ, just like DeJon and that is where we met.

There’s nothing like spending three hours of your morning typing up a post only to have Netscape close and lose all of your information when you press the spell check button. I’ll just deal with any spelling errors this time.

I had a really good posting for you, but alas apparently it was not to be. This will likely not come anywhere close to what I had put before because now I only have about thirty minutes as opposed to three hours before, but here goes anyway.

During my time in Iraq, working at the hospital, I saw many things that are difficult for most people to see. While we have so much distance between us and the typical news report, I saw everything up close. I used to be able to watch the news and hear about things such as Operation Matador, feel sadness over the loss of the four Marines yesterday, and move on with my life. That is not the case anymore. Now when I hear of such operations, I wonder how many more people will come to the hospital and how many more lives will be affected than the normal day-to-day operations in Iraq. Any time an operation like this starts, there will ultimately be many more people that are injured or killed than would have been otherwise. And while the cause is a good one, in my opinion, it still takes a toll on many people. There are the drivers who have hit roadside IEDs (improvised explosive device) and been the direct cause of the death of a close friend and will forever feel that guilt. There are the combat medics who treat people on the scene to keep them alive as they are transported to better care like our hospital where I worked. There are the transport helicopters, the Emergency Room staff, the surgeons, the ICU nurses, the medical staff at the hospitals where the patients will be transported, the family of course, the unit members, and even the chaplains. There are so many people affected by even one injury or death that it is impossible to know the reprecussions. All of this I saw every day during my deployment.

This made me think about what ministry really is and since I’ve been back, I really reflected on what this says about what we as Christians ought to be doing. It is only someone from an affluent society and background that has time to sit around and discuss the merits of evolution or creationism. Only the wealthy can worry about whether or not it is right to have a lower-case “c” or a capital “C” in Church of Christ. Only those with the money to afford a computer and internet access can post information to a blog so that people can dialog with one another across much space and time. For the majority of the world’s population, this will never be the case. In fact, the irony is not missed on myself as I sit here typing on my laptop with high-speed internet in my four-bedroom house with a 2003 Expedition parked in my two-car garage. It is a privilege even to be able to have theological discussion, as necessary as I believe it to be. But my time in Iraq has led me to really consider what we as Christians should be doing to make a difference in people’s lives.

In the chaplaincy, we learn what is called “ministry of presence.” I understood in a more profound way what that meant in the hospital in Iraq. For there, more than anywhere else, people questioned where God is in the midst of tragedy. What I say just by my presence is that he is there, standing, watching, ever present waiting for people to ask for his help. He is not distant from our problems, but walks alongside us when we hurt. 1 Peter 2:9 calls it being “a royal priesthood” a people who bring people to God and God to people. That is what priests do. That is what Jesus did. He could have spent his time with the academic elites in the temple in Jerusalem. Instead he chose to walk among the suffering of this world and bring them hope. If you read Matthew 25:31-46, that is what he expects of us as well.

We cannot all choose to be involved in ministry in Iraq, but there are so many hurting people around us that we can help. We are all called to be God’s ministers. Getting involved in the lives of others is messy, but if we are truly concerned with following the pattern of Christ and bringing people to God, we will step out of our wealthy, affluent, busy lifestyles and reach out to the hurting people all around us, just as Christ did. For, “whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.” (Matthew 25:40)

My other potential posting was much better and had a lot more to offer, but I hope this one will suffice for DeJon’s column this week. Thanks for the opportunity to write.

Duane

Force Feeding

May 13, 2005

He is evil. Darkness personified, albeit by something less than a complete person.

He ranks high amongst society’s most feared and loathed – just two steps below Hannibal Lecter and Norman Bates, and just above the Wicked Witch of the West and Michael Jackson.

He (the villain, not Jackson, although if the shoe fits…) is into heavy breathing, asphyxiation, and shiny black codpieces. He fancies capes and carries a space-age light-up phallus that would make Dr. Ruth blush.

And hold on to your escape pods: HE’S BACK.

Yes, friends, the exciting sixth and final film (logically, it’s Episode III) in the Star Wars saga launches Thursday, May 19. And in this movie – officially titled “Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith” – our friend and foe Darth Vader – the anarchist formerly known as Anakin Skywalker, a.k.a. “Li’l Ani” – both returns and makes his debut. (You’ll see how in a few moments.)

Let me be clear here: You must see this movie. You’ve heard all that stuff about how real Americans fight in wars or serve jury duty or register to vote? That’s crap. Real Americans pay $8 to see a movie even though they know how it’s going to end. (Wonder how many people left “Passion of the Christ” going, “Wow, I never saw that coming.”)

So we know that Episode Three is the one in which heretofore good (albeit a bit whiny and bipolar) Jedi Anakin Skywalker succumbs to the Dark Side of the Force and becomes evil, mostly robotic Darth Vader. We know he turns his back on friends and family – including newborn twin children – to do so. We even know how this ultimately happens: In a fantastic lightsaber duel with his onetime Jedi friend and mentor, Obi Wan Kenobi, Anakin falls into a pit of liquid hot magma (or something). He is badly burned, hideously disfigured and deeply wounded, and only the mechanized Vader suit keeps him alive.

But the devil, as they say, is in the details, and though we know much of the story, we simply must see these events unfold before our very eyes. But in case you’re not (yet) a fan of Star Wars and/or you’ve been living on the remote planet of Yavin, here’s the story in a carbonite-encased nutshell:

Boy meets droids (robots).

Boy and droids meet hermit.

Boy, hermit and droids meet smuggler and nude-yet-hirsute sidekick.

Boy, hermit, droids, smuggler and sidekick get pulled into bad guys’ big round space ship (Death Star).

Boy, smuggler and sidekick meet hot little princess who’s held captive on the ship.

Princess kisses boy in heat of escape battle. (This looms large and perversely important down the road.)

Boy, smuggler, sidekick, princess and droids escape ship while hermit gets whacked by codpiece-wearing baddie Darth Vader (see above).

Boy hears disembodied voice of hermit: “Run, boy, run.”

Boy runs.

See boy run.

Run, boy, run!

Boy, droids, smuggler, sidekick and princess escape.

Boy returns, blows up bad guys’ big round space ship. Key protagonists and antagonists survive.

(End of first movie, cleverly called Episode IV: A New Hope.)

Protagonists join “The Rebel Alliance” in hiding on Iceland-ish Hoth system.

Princess kisses boy again… with tongue? (File this away.)

Hoth system melts – rebels blame galactic warming.

Emperor scoffs, announces plan to strip-mine Endor for midi-chlorians.

Boy, still haunted by phantasmagorical hermit, flies to swamp planet for Jedi training with green amphibious linguist.

Confused, still-hot princess makes out with smuggler while parked in gullet of wormlike beast.

Stormtroopers bang flashlight on ship’s window, tell amorous kids: “Move along.”

Smuggler, sidekick, princess and British droid are captured by Darth Vader, no thanks to smuggler’s gambling buddy (and token African American) Lando, as played by Billy Dee Williams.

Boy (with other droid) abandons training, linguist and hermit-ghost to attempt daring rescue of other important protagonists.

Others escape without his help.

Darth Vader cuts off boy’s right hand.

Vader (to boy): I am your father.

Boy (to Vader): No-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o!

Boy leaps to certain death, is rescued by princess and others.

(Princess kisses boy on forehead; this is not as creepy but still noteworthy.)

(End of second movie, cleverly titled Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back.)

Boy, training nearly complete, goes to rescue others in Tattooine lair of Jabba the Hutt.

Princess wears gold bikini. (This is important for many reasons.)

Protagonists escape.

Hermit-ghost and linguist tell boy of his family tree:

Linguist: Your father he [Vader] is. (Linguist dies.)

Boy: No-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o!

Hermit-ghost: The princess is your sister.

Boy: Yeah, but did you see her in that gold bi… I mean, No-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o!

Boy goes to face Vader, Emperor.

Boy defeats Vader.

Emperor shocks crap out of boy.

Boy, reaching, cries out (to Vader): Father!

Vader (to boy): OK, OK, but don’t try any of that kissing stuff or I’ll kick the Sith out of you.

Vader turns on Emperor and tosses his pale wrinkly butt down a miles-long elevator shaft. (Such elevator shafts are common in Star Wars fight scenes and usually lack any sort of protective guardrails.)

Vader dies in boy’s arms. (Curiously, boy refrains from kissing Vader.)

Good guys blow up bad guys’ second big round space ship (the cleverly titled “Death Star”).

Boy returns to princess-sister, puts arm around her and smiles knowingly at hermit-ghost, linguist-ghost, and Vader-ghost, all of whom roll their eyes.

Camera pans to Lando, who smiles and says: “Colt 45… works every time.”

(End of third movie, cleverly titled Episode VI: Return of the Jedi.)

Ready for a new cinematic challenge (and broker than MC Hammer), Star Wars creator George Lucas decides to produce three “prequels” that tell the story of the fall of the Republic and the fall of Anakin Skywalker. The first two of these “prequels” aren’t very good, so here are brief highlights and lowlights…

Jar Jar Binks, equal parts CGI and racial stereotype, appears and immediately becomes the most hated and pointless Star Wars character since that sniveling Brit on the Death Star who said, “Don’t try to frighten us with your sorcerer’s ways, Lord Vader…”

Jedi Master Qui Gon Jin inexplicably saves Jar Jar’s life… twice.

Li’l Ani wins a pod race that, like the NASCAR action it undoubtedly seeks to emulate, is full of sound and fury and signifies nothing.

We are introduced to Padme Amidala, queen of the Naboo and future wife of Anakin Skywalker (and mother of the princess and the sister-kisser). She, too, is hot.

One of Darth Vader’s Sith predecessors, Darth Maul, appears. He is one spooky dude. Looks like a Chicago Bulls mascot gone haywire.

Darth Maul kills Qui Gon (cosmic justice for Qui’s sparing Jar Jar).

Obi-Wan slices Darth Maul in half. Darth Maul’s pieces fall down a – wait for it – nearby miles-long elevator shaft without guardrails.

The Jedi burn Qui Gon’s body. Jedi Shaft and the amphibious linguist discuss the mystery of Darth Maul and speculate on who else might be eeee-vil.

Senator Palpatine puts a bumper sticker on the back of his speeder: I BRAKE FOR SITH.

End of fourth movie, cleverly titled Episode One: The Phantom Dentist.)

Jar Jar is still alive.

Fortunately, so is Amidala.

Amidala falls in love with Anakin, her Jedi bodyguard.

Obi Wan is captured by Saruman.

Anakin’s mother is killed by Tusken Raiders.

Amidala and Anakin, trying to rescue Obi Wan, are also captured.

Amidala’s midriff is exposed. (This is important for many reasons.)

Saruman (a.k.a. Darth Tyranus) cuts off Anakin’s right hand. (Synergy!)

Begin, the Clone Wars do.

(End of fifth movie, cleverly titled Episode II: Attack of the Clones)

Coming next week: A review of the film, or, if I haven’t yet seen it, a list of questions and expectations I have for this new film…