What It Is, Is Football


I don’t post about sports much, even though I follow 3 teams pretty closely.  Here, I go all Lou Holtz and remind the Miami Dolphins and Arkansas Razorback football teams of a few things.  (Imagine I’m spraying all my “s”‘s.)

Some football definitions:

  1. Quarterback: an offensive back who throws the football to other players on his team.
  2. Receiver: an offensive end who receives, that is, catches, a thrown football.
  3. Defensive Player (any position): a person who makes contact with, and causes to fall down, players on the other team.

If you can’t throw the ball to persons on your team, you are not a quarterback.  You can be taller than Gao Ming, have a stronger arm than Dan Marino, and be a better field general than George Patton, but whatever that makes you, it isn’t a quarterback.

If you can’t catch the ball, you are not a receiver.  You can be faster than Usain Bolt, have better moves than Barry Sanders, and run better routes than Jerry Rice, but whatever that makes you, it isn’t a receiver.

If you can’t hit somebody and make them fall down, you are not a defender.  You can be bigger than all outdoors, stronger than Hercules, and have a better vertical than Michael Jordan, but whatever that makes you, it isn’t a defender.

Young men, talent and athletic ability do not make anybody a qb, receiver, or defender.*  Talent and athletic ability can make you a good or even great qb, receiver, or defender.  But you have to be a qb, receiver, or defender before you can be a good or great one.

(* They’re not saying “boooo!”  They’re saying “Doctor Looouuuuu!”  Okay, they’re saying “Boooo, Dr. Loouuu!”)

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4 Responses to “What It Is, Is Football”

  1. jazzbumpa Says:

    Don’t know nuthin’ ’bout backin’ no Razors. Dolphins blew a big lead today.

    Niggling point, but occasionally the QB just hands the ball to somebody like Ronnie Brown or Beanie Wells (who you might not know anything about since he is an erstwhile Buckeye and current Ariz. Cardinal.)

    This post screams of frustrated fandom.

    After watching the Red Wings recently, I feel your pain.

    Who’s your third team?

    JzB the usually doesn’t post about sports either trombonist

  2. urbino Says:

    Yeah, the QB sometimes just hands off, but that’s really not his job in the modern game. If that’s all he can do, he’s not gonna play. Ronnie Brown hands the ball off when the Dolphins run the wildcat offense, but nobody confuses him with a QB.

    Beanie? I know Beanie. I spent the first couple years of his college career trying to figure out if they were calling him “Beanie” or “B.D.”

    Frustration. Yes. I’m not disappointed that the Dolphins lost today. I expected them to get killed, so I’m actually happy. I’m just frustrated with the way they ended up losing.

    Team 3 = Los Angeles Dodgers

    Who also need a reminder: if you can’t throw a strike, you’re not a pitcher.

  3. jazzbumpa Says:

    I was a Dolphins fan from the beginning, but threw up my hands* when they hired Jimmy Johnson, then left in a huff when they handed they reins to Wannstedt.

    Now, though, they look like a team on the rise, and are a few steps ahead of the Lions.

    Jzb the wildcat trombonist

    * the risk of watching football while eating finger food.

  4. urbino Says:

    I thought Johnson was a good hire, but, yeah, never understood why they gave Wannstedt the job. That was an obvious bad hire from the word “go”; and keeping him so long set us back a decade.

    But I never gave up on them. I started rooting for them when I was in 4th grade; I wouldn’t know what to do if I stopped.

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