Sunday Translations

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TPM posts the highlights, I provide the translations:

Liz Cheney: Obama Given Nobel Prize For Opposing American Dominance
Appearing on Fox News Sunday, Liz Cheney attacked President Obama’s Nobel Peace Prize. “Well, I think what the committee believes is they’d like to live in a world in which America is not dominant. And I think if you look at the language of the citation, you can see that they talk about, you know, President Obama ruling in a way that makes sense to the majority of the people of the world,” said Cheney. “You know, Americans don’t elect a president to do that. We elect a president to defend our national interests. And so I think that, you know, they may believe that President Obama also doesn’t agree with American dominance, and they may have been trying to affirm that belief with the prize. I think, unfortunately, they may be right, and I think it’s a concern.”

“Like my father and millions of wife-beating American voters, the only thing I understand is domination.  Especially the violent kind.”

McCain: Palin ‘Energized Our Party’
Appearing on State of the Union, Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) defended his former running mate Sarah Palin, against the criticism of his former campaign manager Steve Schmidt. “There are fundamental facts … that cannot be denied,” McCain adds. “When we selected or asked Sarah Palin to be my running mate, it energized our party. We were ahead in the polls, until the stock market crashed. And she still is a formidable force in the Republican Party, and I have great affection for her.”

“Little starbursts shoot out of my tv when that woman winks at me.”

Feinstein: Obama Should Approve McChrystal’s Recommendations
Appearing on This Week, Sen. Dianne Feinstein (D-CA) said that President Obama should follow through on Gen. Stanley McChrystal’s recommendations for more troops in Afghanistan. “I don’t know how you put somebody in who is as crackerjack as Gen. McChrystal, who gives the President very solid recommendations, and not take those recommendations if you’re not gonna pullout,” said Feinstein. “If you don’t wanna take the recommendations, then you put your people in such jeopardy.”

“I’d like to announce that, since Mr. Obama has been promoted by the Nobel committee, I’m now running the military.  Alexander Haig will be my second-in-command.”

(Honestly, Rahm Emanuel needs to make one of his special little phone calls to Feinstein.  You don’t go on tv and give your president a military ultimatum. You don’t tell the country that if he doesn’t do what you would do, he’s putting the troops in “such jeopardy.”  I don’t care how long you’ve been on the intelligence committee.  Express your opinion, Senator Ego, but leave the extortion and troop-baiting to the other party, how ’bout?)

Chambliss: Obama Will ‘Have To’ Approve More Troops
Also on This Week, Sen. Saxby Chambliss (R-GA) said that President Obama will “have to” approve McChrystal’s request for more troops. “I don’t think there’s any question [Obama is] going to have to, and I think it’s the right thing to do,” said Chambliss. “He sent General McChrystal over there in the spring and said, ‘You go see what it’s like on the ground. Give me a report, and let’s devise a strategy for going forward.’ He’s done that, and Dianne’s exactly right.”

“I have no recollection of last November.  Also, I don’t understand the difference between ‘let’s devise a strategy’ and ‘you devise a strategy and I’ll rubber stamp it.’  But I’m a senator!  What a country!”

Reed: Obama Conducting ‘Serious Analysis’ of Afghanistan
Appearing on Face The Nation, Sen. Jack Reed (D-RI) said it was important for President Obama to seriously consider the questions before him in AFghanistan. “Well, right now the president is conducting a serious analysis of the assumptions of going forward,” said Reed. “I think this is a critical moment. I don’t think we can simply pre-conceive the notion and then just tailor facts and recommendations to that notion. So the analysis is critical.”

“You know, the Nobel committee was onto something: that Bush guy was kind of a dumbass.”

Levin: Obama Can End Ban On Gays In The Military — If Done Right
Appearing on Meet The Press, Sen. Carl Levin said President Obama can live up to his promise to end the ban on gays in the military. “I think he, he will and he can. I think it has to be done in the, in the right way, which is to get a buy-in from the military, which I think is now possible,” said Levin. “Other militaries in the West, the British and other Western armies, have ended this discriminatory policy. We can do it successfully. But it ought to be done with thoughtfulness and with care, and with a buy-in from the military.”  [Emphasis added.]

“I’d rilly, rilly like Democratic voters to think I’m on the right side of this gays-in-the-military issue, but without, you know, letting the poofters in the barracks.  Those people give me the heebie-jeebies.  So I’ll say I’m totally for it, see, then attach a condition I know cannot be met.”

Graham: Obama Deserving Nobel ‘Depends On What He Does’
Appearing on Meet The Press, Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-SC) challenged Obama to live up to his Nobel Peace Prize: “If he can successfully turn around Afghanistan, deter Iran from getting a nuclear weapon, I will build a bookcase for him to put it in. It depends on what he does.”

“Obama will have earned the Nobel prize if and only if he does exactly what I would do if anybody wanted me to be president.  Oh, and if you’d like to know what I would do, ask John McCain.  That way, we’ll both find out at the same time.”

Casey: $250k Cap On Medical Damages ‘Insulting To Our System of Justice’
Appearing on State of the Union, Sen. Bob Casey (D-PA) strongly rejected Republican calls for tort reform through capping medical malpractice damages. “I don’t think the way to go is to limit the rights of Americans who are injured by negligent or intentional conduct,” said Casey, also adding: “A $250,000 cap on damages, in my humble opinion, is insulting to our system of justice. That is not justice as we have come to understand it.”

“I’m a lawyer.”

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5 Responses to “Sunday Translations”

  1. Sandi Says:

    This is neither here nor there, but I just noticed that both my sons’ first names are also last names of senators mentioned in this post (Casey and Reed). I swear that was not on purpose. We even chose the spelling “Reed” over “Reid” because we didn’t want people to associate it with Harry Reid. Sigh.

    And I enjoyed reading your translations. As always, your observations are astute, your wit acerbic. Keep up the good work!

  2. urbino Says:

    We even chose the spelling “Reed” over “Reid” because we didn’t want people to associate it with Harry Reid. Sigh.

    Heh. Sometimes, you just can’t win. Either is a safer choice than “Newt,” though.

    Thanks.

  3. Terry A. Says:

    Not enough “Saxbys” out there, either.

  4. jazzbumpa Says:

    Nicely done Urbino!

    At first, I thought you were going to give Liz the FJM treatment.

    http://www.ginandtacos.com/2008/04/18/david-brooks-gets-the-fjm-treatment/

    But the montage was quite delightful.

    Cheers!

  5. urbino Says:

    Thanks, jb.

    You can’t stop a “Saxby,” you can only hope to contain him. Or her.

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