Deep Stupid

by

Today’s winner is Melanie Phillips:

What a disgrace that this man is leader of the free world; and at such a point in history. If he had put America stoutly behind the protesters and championed them against the regime, by now they might have toppled it.

This wins the day not because I find the notion that putting America “stoutly behind the protesters” would help them completely laughable, though I do.  That’s an honest disagreement.

No, she wins because she’s managed to say something extremely inflammatory, yet almost completely devoid of meaning and completely unfalsifiable.  You could put almost anything in that first clause, and her sentence would still be logically valid . . . and completely unfalsifiable.

If Obama had put 10 bucks on the protesters with his local bookie, by now they might have toppled the regime.

If George Bush hadn’t invaded Iraq, by now they might have toppled the regime.

If Fonzie had tried to jump only 12 barrels instead of 13, by now they might have toppled the regime.

If the moon came down and danced a foxtrot around my room with Ayatollah Khamenei every night, by now they might have toppled the regime.

So here’s to you, Ms. Phillips, and thanks for ruining my love life.  Because if you hadn’t written such a silly and tendentious column, Natalie Portman might be sitting in my lap just now.

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