Connecting and Disconnecting

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(I apologize that I didn’t have time to write today. The following fits into what we have been talking about. It is an excerpt from an article written by a friend of mine.)

By Shannan S. Taylor

If we simply stated our case, expressed our feelings and realized that it takes two to make a happy home and relationship, we would be taking responsibility for our part of the success or demise of our relationship. We have a right and duty to express ourselves in order to be happy and healthy for the good of both partners and the relationship.

If we stated our case, our feelings and reasoning behind our discomfort and confusion regarding our impending decisions instead of trying to blame the other person for our own inability to relate, thus making them the “bad one” and us the “one done wrong”, then we would walk away with some sense of self-respect and a greater understanding of who we are and where our boundaries lie in the big picture of our lives.

Our personal power would remain intact if we walked away by taking responsibility for our decisions, regardless of what material losses ensued. If we knew and accepted ourselves with our weaknesses and faults unfolding in full disclosure before ourselves and others, we would feel the power surge of who we truly are and bring into alignment our outer and inner worlds and values. Therefore we would be able to move forward with a greater knowledge of what we need to be fulfilled and in the joy of knowing that we, alone, love ourselves for all that we are and that love is truly enough.

We are equal partners and equally at fault if communication breaks down. Yet, if we admit fault, we cannot seek a saintly position among martyrs. In walking away as friends in understanding that all things have a life span, which may not coordinate with the lifespan of human nature, human expectancy, and spiritual growth, we take responsibility for our part in a relationship. When the life span of a relationship is over, when the lesson we came together to learn is completed, then our relationship must change or end and we must move forward.

We are here on earth to learn and grow spiritually. We are here to learn about ourselves though our relationships with others and our environment. We are here to learn to love unconditionally. Radical acceptance of unconditional love is the only way to evolve.

It is our divine purpose to learn to love ourselves through others. To accept others and love them as we do ourselves. The problem lies in the fact that we cannot love ourselves. We hit the wall each time we try, but don’t know why. We treat people how we treat ourselves, but not like we would like to be treated, we treat them how we actually treat ourselves. It is a harsh affair full of heat that no one can withstand for long so we seek solace in the comfort of escapisms. Then we live in our own hell of discontent with the world as our mirror. Learning to love and accept ourselves is our hardest task in this life. Our defenses and denials assure the protection of our ego and the growth of our fears. We will not grow or find peace until those walls come down. It is as simple as that.

We cannot get to kindness unless we re-discover our core, which has never changed and never will change, for it is there that the eyes of a child remain as pure as newly fallen snow. It is there where we find love enough to move through the battles of life with ease. It is our inner child who is our strength and guiding light through the storms of life. It is our inner child who is our compass to a life our adult has feared to live. An unlived life is our deepest grievance, our deepest wound, and our deepest dis-ease.

We cannot find kindness and unconditional love for ourselves so easily because we cannot acknowledge our own divinity and self worth. We cannot find our love for anything when we cannot fully accept ourselves, love ourselves, honor ourselves and speak our truth freely. Until we are able to speak truthfully and freely, we will never be able to come into a true partnership with our mate, our God, or ourselves.

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One Response to “Connecting and Disconnecting”

  1. A Devoted Reader Says:

    Amy,

    Thanks for sharing your friend’s keen observations regarding self worth and relationships. I have been worried about a friend of mine for the last few months because he has fallen into a rut of self derision. I have been struggling to find the right words to say to him, but I think I may share your friend’s article. Until we learn to see our own worth and love ourselves, we’ll be held back in life.

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